Soul mates. Let’s face it, we all have wondered where is that special someone who’s supposed to complement us perfectly. Soul mates are everywhere you look. Literature, history, fairy tales and gossip magazines… After all, most celebrities seem to find at least two of them each year. But who are the normal people that actually found their soul mates?
I met up with my friends Tom, Alice and Elektra for one of our power lunches. Tom was currently dating no one in particular and everyone in general. When I asked him about soul mates he said:
- Of course I believe in soul mates. I mean, there must be someone out there who’s just, you know… Perfect. I’m just looking for mine and then everything will fit nicely.
To my shock, Elektra kept sipping her cocktail without a word. Alice seemed to have noticed that odd behavior too. After all, she was the cynical among us. We both stared at her:
- What? – She finally demanded. – I happen to believe there are soul mates out there.
- Seriously? – I asked her, while Alice chocked on her orange juice.
- Seriously. My best friend Gina for one seems to be able to read my mind. We know all about each other and can feel each other’s moods. I mean it.
- I mean a soul mate. – Tom repeated as though he thought she had two too many cocktails. - A man who matches you.
- Oh, a man who will understand me perfectly? – She sneered and seemed to fall back into her normal self. - Honey, I thought we had agreed that’s impossible. Men and women are genetically programmed not to understand each other. Unless one is gay.
Alice drew herself straight, her silky hair shining under the beautiful sun.
- But that’s crazy! Soul mates are supposed to be that special person who gets you completely!
- Like your boyfriend does? – Blurted Elektra.
Alice blushed and said:
- Well…
- She’s right Ellie. Soul mates are like our opposite sex selves. – Tom tried to keep going.
- Why though? Really, why? So we can marry them? So we can turn finding the soul mate a Holy Grail journey? Why can’t my soul mate be my best friend? Someone I know and care and who knows me really well and will be there for me no matter what?
Both Tom and Alice tried to answer back, but seemed without arguments. I thought Elektra’s theory quite amazing though. It made everything less complicated and made much more sense than this whole THE ONE bullshit.
In the Iphone society when any object has at least 5 different functions, are we expecting too much from one person? I was still wondering about the subject when a married friend invited me for a coffee at her house. Maren had been married for almost 9 years and had three children with her banker husband and lived in a nice townhouse in the south part of the city. When I asked her if she believed in soul mates she promptly answered yes and explained:
- When he shows up you know it. I mean, when I first met Nick I felt different. And I swear that by the end of our second date, I was lost.
- Wow. You’re really lucky.
She smiled as if to say YES and I kept going:
- So, you can have everything in one person?
- What do you mean? -She asked while she helped her youngest daughter on her lap. The baby looked at me curiously.
- I mean, can you have everything in one person? The best friend, the husband, the great sex… Everything?
Maren stared at me for a moment and said:
- I don’t know about that. You see, my husband is wonderful and I can’t imagine living without him, but I need my “me” time… And there are things he just wouldn’t understand. I need my girlfriends for that. So, that’s why I have a night a week just to hang out and do girl stuff.
That night Elektra, Tom and I were invited to Alice's apartment for a little private party. Tom had picked a great wine, Elektra made us a lovely homemade dinner and Alice told us the best stories about her weird family. We all had a wonderful time.
I left them thinking that maybe there isn’t an exact answer. Maybe soul mates, like Mcdonald’s menus can come in combos with or without sex, with some extra friendship, without girl talk or extra spicy. Maybe all you have to do is find your personal recipe and enjoy … With a nice cocktail.
terça-feira, 25 de setembro de 2007
sábado, 22 de setembro de 2007
On hunting
On Hunting
Life is a constant chase. The perfect job, a nice apartment, that new pair of shoes… There’s always something we want. And for some, there’s always something else, after they’ve got the prize.
My friend Tom always suffered a lot on his relationships. He treated women like queens, offered them flowers and always called them the morning after. Somehow, he always ended up alone and his girlfriends, who claimed they weren’t ready for a serious relationship all got married right after dumping him. He had recently moved to Germany and had a top job in a multinational. New life demanded new rules, he said.
That Friday night he met Elektra, a successful photographer for drinks. Elektra was trying to initiate him on the art of hunting. Girl hunting, actually. For her, it was all about the chase. The trophy wasn’t the most important thing, she liked the process of getting there, of scheming, seducing, the phone calls and flirting.
- See that one? Very pretty face. – She gave a little nod pointing a blond girl right over his shoulder.
- Hmmm… She’s cute. Kind of old, though.
- Oh well, how about that one? Red heads are quite exotic.
- Now we are talking. – He smiled. – So, what now?
- Go talk to her. No pick up lines for heaven’s sake!- She added hastily.
- Oh, come on! I know how to pick up a girl!
- I kind of doubt that, but… How about a bet? If you get her number I’ll buy you a beer. If you kiss her, I’ll pay tonight’s bill.
- And if I take her home?
She smiled. Male egos, she thought, were so easy to manipulate.
-I’ll take you out for dinner.
- Deal.
He stood up and faced the girl, stared for a few seconds and then smiled. The girl smiled shyly and then turned to talk to her friend.
- Good one! – Elektra seemed impressed. – Wait until she looks again and then go talk to her.
- Right. – He seemed a little nervous now, but she gave him a wink and sent him off.
Elektra always had fun watching people. That’s what made her such a great photographer, she enjoyed catching glimpses of people’s lives, imagining what was behind everyone’s smiles. She looked again and saw Tom chatting with the girl and smiled. What’s life without passion? She crossed her legs and took another sip of her drink when she noticed a guy staring at her. She raised an eyebrow in acknowledgement and went on with her drink. That was Tom’s night and she would not steal the spotlight. But then again… What’s wrong with a little flirting? She smiled and watched as the guy came to talk to her.
- Come on Elektra! Open the freaking door!
She finally did it. Tom looked down at her and her sexy little nightdress. Her hair was messy and her eyes still red from sleeping.
- What?
- We need to talk.
- God… Come in.
They went to the kitchen where she started making cappuccinos with her shiny new expresso machine. Tom leaned on the kitchen counter and had a “guess what” smile on his face.
She stared at him and smiled:
- So?
- I slept with her.
She laughed and said:
- That was fast. I guess I owe you a dinner then…
- Yeah, I know… But like you said, she was just there! It was so…
- Easy?
- Yeah. So, now what?
- Now you wait. Do you want to see her again?
- Well… She said goodbye very easily today.
- Ok… Said goodbye as a friend or said goodbye as a possible lover?
- As a friend!
- So, you’re fine then. No trouble. Cheers. – She handed him the coffee. He took a sip and smiled:
- It’s like… Like you said before.
- Addictive? – She asked with a condescending smile.
- Yes…
- Oh well, you’ll get used to it. In fact, it just gets better with time…
The phone rang before he could say something else. She picked it up and started speaking fast in Spanish. She mouthed the word “Alice” and listened on, occasionally grunting as a response. Finally she said:
- Rescue party…
- What’s wrong now?
- Her boyfriend again…
Tom shrugged and said:
- I’ll get your coat.
Alice suffered constantly on the hands of her patronizing and macho boyfriend whom she left back in Peru but couldn’t seem to be able to disconnect from. Everyonel had tried taking her out, showing her new possibilities but it was just too hard for her to let go. She said he was safe. Elektra said he was boring.
- It’s all about the chase Alice. He doesn’t take you seriously because you’re always after him. You’re here and still you care about everything he does instead of doing something yourself!
Tom looked at Elektra astonished at her harsh truths, but Alice seemed to consider this. She sighed and said:
- I guess you’re right, but he loves me. He does… And he’s there.
- Yes, you’re used to having him around. But you can go on rehab and get rid of that too. – Elektra looked at Tom for some back up, but he was busy writing an SMS on his cell phone. After her inquisitive look he answered:
- It’s the girl from last night. She wrote me a message.
- So why are you answering now? Just give me that. – She took his phone and read the message. – Wow, she called you honey after one night? You must be good! – She said smiling. He blushed but managed to keep a straight face.
- Yeah, I know… A bit too much right?
- Way too much.
- How do I answer in a polite way but without her getting her hopes high?
Elektra sighed and said:
- First, answer in a few hours. No honey, no kisses, maybe a happy face. No plans for a date. Just hi, how are you, this kind of thing. Don’t even think of saying I’ll call you either!
Tom handed her the phone with a “you better do that then” look. She started typing furiously but at great ease. Tom raised his eyebrows and thought that although he needed new rules, only time would help him memorize them all…
Life is a constant chase. The perfect job, a nice apartment, that new pair of shoes… There’s always something we want. And for some, there’s always something else, after they’ve got the prize.
My friend Tom always suffered a lot on his relationships. He treated women like queens, offered them flowers and always called them the morning after. Somehow, he always ended up alone and his girlfriends, who claimed they weren’t ready for a serious relationship all got married right after dumping him. He had recently moved to Germany and had a top job in a multinational. New life demanded new rules, he said.
That Friday night he met Elektra, a successful photographer for drinks. Elektra was trying to initiate him on the art of hunting. Girl hunting, actually. For her, it was all about the chase. The trophy wasn’t the most important thing, she liked the process of getting there, of scheming, seducing, the phone calls and flirting.
- See that one? Very pretty face. – She gave a little nod pointing a blond girl right over his shoulder.
- Hmmm… She’s cute. Kind of old, though.
- Oh well, how about that one? Red heads are quite exotic.
- Now we are talking. – He smiled. – So, what now?
- Go talk to her. No pick up lines for heaven’s sake!- She added hastily.
- Oh, come on! I know how to pick up a girl!
- I kind of doubt that, but… How about a bet? If you get her number I’ll buy you a beer. If you kiss her, I’ll pay tonight’s bill.
- And if I take her home?
She smiled. Male egos, she thought, were so easy to manipulate.
-I’ll take you out for dinner.
- Deal.
He stood up and faced the girl, stared for a few seconds and then smiled. The girl smiled shyly and then turned to talk to her friend.
- Good one! – Elektra seemed impressed. – Wait until she looks again and then go talk to her.
- Right. – He seemed a little nervous now, but she gave him a wink and sent him off.
Elektra always had fun watching people. That’s what made her such a great photographer, she enjoyed catching glimpses of people’s lives, imagining what was behind everyone’s smiles. She looked again and saw Tom chatting with the girl and smiled. What’s life without passion? She crossed her legs and took another sip of her drink when she noticed a guy staring at her. She raised an eyebrow in acknowledgement and went on with her drink. That was Tom’s night and she would not steal the spotlight. But then again… What’s wrong with a little flirting? She smiled and watched as the guy came to talk to her.
- Come on Elektra! Open the freaking door!
She finally did it. Tom looked down at her and her sexy little nightdress. Her hair was messy and her eyes still red from sleeping.
- What?
- We need to talk.
- God… Come in.
They went to the kitchen where she started making cappuccinos with her shiny new expresso machine. Tom leaned on the kitchen counter and had a “guess what” smile on his face.
She stared at him and smiled:
- So?
- I slept with her.
She laughed and said:
- That was fast. I guess I owe you a dinner then…
- Yeah, I know… But like you said, she was just there! It was so…
- Easy?
- Yeah. So, now what?
- Now you wait. Do you want to see her again?
- Well… She said goodbye very easily today.
- Ok… Said goodbye as a friend or said goodbye as a possible lover?
- As a friend!
- So, you’re fine then. No trouble. Cheers. – She handed him the coffee. He took a sip and smiled:
- It’s like… Like you said before.
- Addictive? – She asked with a condescending smile.
- Yes…
- Oh well, you’ll get used to it. In fact, it just gets better with time…
The phone rang before he could say something else. She picked it up and started speaking fast in Spanish. She mouthed the word “Alice” and listened on, occasionally grunting as a response. Finally she said:
- Rescue party…
- What’s wrong now?
- Her boyfriend again…
Tom shrugged and said:
- I’ll get your coat.
Alice suffered constantly on the hands of her patronizing and macho boyfriend whom she left back in Peru but couldn’t seem to be able to disconnect from. Everyonel had tried taking her out, showing her new possibilities but it was just too hard for her to let go. She said he was safe. Elektra said he was boring.
- It’s all about the chase Alice. He doesn’t take you seriously because you’re always after him. You’re here and still you care about everything he does instead of doing something yourself!
Tom looked at Elektra astonished at her harsh truths, but Alice seemed to consider this. She sighed and said:
- I guess you’re right, but he loves me. He does… And he’s there.
- Yes, you’re used to having him around. But you can go on rehab and get rid of that too. – Elektra looked at Tom for some back up, but he was busy writing an SMS on his cell phone. After her inquisitive look he answered:
- It’s the girl from last night. She wrote me a message.
- So why are you answering now? Just give me that. – She took his phone and read the message. – Wow, she called you honey after one night? You must be good! – She said smiling. He blushed but managed to keep a straight face.
- Yeah, I know… A bit too much right?
- Way too much.
- How do I answer in a polite way but without her getting her hopes high?
Elektra sighed and said:
- First, answer in a few hours. No honey, no kisses, maybe a happy face. No plans for a date. Just hi, how are you, this kind of thing. Don’t even think of saying I’ll call you either!
Tom handed her the phone with a “you better do that then” look. She started typing furiously but at great ease. Tom raised his eyebrows and thought that although he needed new rules, only time would help him memorize them all…
sexta-feira, 21 de setembro de 2007
On the rules of the game
On the rule s of the game
Love, is this the main topic of the world? People talk, sing, dream and fantasize about it, but is there real love out there? In a world as cynical, fast and capitalist as ours, is it possible to still believe in true love, or is it all just a game to pass the time?
I was recently hanging out with a girl I will simply call Elektra, she's smart, pretty, intelligent and has a successful career as photographer. In other words, she's quite a catch. There’s just one detail. She doesn’t seem to give a damm about love and its implications. Elektra believes in love as much as she believes in politicians and santa claus. Just a few days ago while we had lunch in a cool café downtown Frankfurt, I started to complain about my twisted relationship, she simply told me:
- Stop suffering and start playing.
- What do you mean? - I shot back.
- Be a player, just like the guys. - She answered without taking her eyes from her menu. And when I didn't answer, she looked at me with her huge brown eyes and said: - Have fun and don’t expect anything from them. Use them and then dump them. Play. It’s so easy.
I was interested. Every woman fell at least once in the hands of a nasty player, and here, sitting in front of me, sipping a cocktail, a yougster claimed she actually knew the rules... Was that possible? Aren’t women genetically programmed to look for “real”relationships?
I decided to investigate the topic and went to see my friend Tom, a hopeless romantic, who had just broken up a long term relationship. Tom was what anyone would simply call a nice guy. 24 years old, an engineer working for a big company, fun, smart, liked kids, well traveled… I couldn’t understand why he always ended up dumped. He was miserable and when I told him about Elektra’s advice, said he wished he were a player, women just didn’t seem to like nice guys, he said with puppy eyes.
Two nights later, we went out to check on Elektra's idea. Tom, his friend Alice, Elektra and me. We went to a hip bar and ordered drinks. As we sat down, Alice immediately crossed her arms over her perfect breasts and looked around. She has just recently arrived in the country and had left a boyfriend across the ocean. Alice was clearly very beautiful, dark blue eyes, black silky hair and a tall, slim figure. She was clearly the most good looking girl in the room, but no one seemed to notice her, all the smiles and glares were going in Elektra’s direction. She was sitting on her chair, relaxed and didn’t hesitate responding to the attention. She smiled at us and said:
- Rule number one: Take a nice look around and choose your prey.- She looked around the room crowded with handsome men and said: - There is no such a thing as an ungettable person, you can have anyone as long as you are brave and confident enough.
Alice asked: - Come on, can you always have whoever you want?
Elektra threw her long hair aside and answered with a sneer: - Pick any man in this room and I will show you how it's done. Tom looked puzzled, but then pointed behind her:
- How about that one?
We all looked at the chosen one. He was young, blond, handsome and well dressed. Elektra studied him for a few seconds and said:
- No problem.
- What are you doing now? – I asked. She turned around on her chair and stared at the guy’s direction. He looked almost instantly and met her eyes. We were all mesmerized by the scene, as we watched the struggle, the man, the woman, his eyes on her, her strong gaze… She smiled, he kept his eyes on her for a few more seconds and then, slowly, smiled back. She turned around again and looked at her shocked spectators and said matter of factly:
- See how easy?
- You are crazy! – Alice finally said. – What if he…
- If what? Don’t count on the ifs, just do it and think later. It’s strategy, like playing chess, predict his moves… It’s a hunt. – She said finally, her eyes shining.
- Now what? – I was hooked.
- Now, you make your move, or… You can wait for him, that depends on what are you playing. You see, your part.
Tom looked at her intrigued and asked:
- What do you mean?
- You can adopt personality traits according to what seems to attract him. Some guys like the femme fatalle sort of woman, others like the shy type, you just choose one and have fun.
- That’s crazy! It’s like you have a personality dysfunction or something! – Tom exclaimed before he could stop himself.
Elektra looked at him sharply and then said coolly:
- Men do it all the time. They love playing the sensitive type, because that’s what a woman normally looks for. He comes all sweet and understanding, he listens to you, he treats you like a princess… And then, he scores. And the real guy comes out. I’ve seen it, been there… Now, I do it. And I will tell you what, after you start beating your own expectations, there’s no way you can stop. It’s addictive.
Alice was clearly impressed. She gave a little smile and asked:
- So, what do you do after you get them?
- Is there anything else to do?- Elektra looked at me puzzled, as if it doubting Alice’s intelligence. I shrugged and said:
- Really, what do you do? Do you date them? I never see you with anyone…
She winked and said with a smile:
- The ones I like I might go out on a date. Just one. Normally after that, I lose interest. – She sighed and continued: - So, I look for a really lame excuse and dump him. After all, there are many other interesting guys out there just waiting for me…
We all went home thinking about the night. I was still in doubt if Elektra was the future or the end of romance. Alice wished she were a little more like Elektra, maybe her boyfriend would take her seriously then… Elektra kissed the chosen one, but told me the next morning she didn’t want to see him again because he seemed too conservative for her. What about Tom? Well, he went home… Converted. And a new player was born.
Love, is this the main topic of the world? People talk, sing, dream and fantasize about it, but is there real love out there? In a world as cynical, fast and capitalist as ours, is it possible to still believe in true love, or is it all just a game to pass the time?
I was recently hanging out with a girl I will simply call Elektra, she's smart, pretty, intelligent and has a successful career as photographer. In other words, she's quite a catch. There’s just one detail. She doesn’t seem to give a damm about love and its implications. Elektra believes in love as much as she believes in politicians and santa claus. Just a few days ago while we had lunch in a cool café downtown Frankfurt, I started to complain about my twisted relationship, she simply told me:
- Stop suffering and start playing.
- What do you mean? - I shot back.
- Be a player, just like the guys. - She answered without taking her eyes from her menu. And when I didn't answer, she looked at me with her huge brown eyes and said: - Have fun and don’t expect anything from them. Use them and then dump them. Play. It’s so easy.
I was interested. Every woman fell at least once in the hands of a nasty player, and here, sitting in front of me, sipping a cocktail, a yougster claimed she actually knew the rules... Was that possible? Aren’t women genetically programmed to look for “real”relationships?
I decided to investigate the topic and went to see my friend Tom, a hopeless romantic, who had just broken up a long term relationship. Tom was what anyone would simply call a nice guy. 24 years old, an engineer working for a big company, fun, smart, liked kids, well traveled… I couldn’t understand why he always ended up dumped. He was miserable and when I told him about Elektra’s advice, said he wished he were a player, women just didn’t seem to like nice guys, he said with puppy eyes.
Two nights later, we went out to check on Elektra's idea. Tom, his friend Alice, Elektra and me. We went to a hip bar and ordered drinks. As we sat down, Alice immediately crossed her arms over her perfect breasts and looked around. She has just recently arrived in the country and had left a boyfriend across the ocean. Alice was clearly very beautiful, dark blue eyes, black silky hair and a tall, slim figure. She was clearly the most good looking girl in the room, but no one seemed to notice her, all the smiles and glares were going in Elektra’s direction. She was sitting on her chair, relaxed and didn’t hesitate responding to the attention. She smiled at us and said:
- Rule number one: Take a nice look around and choose your prey.- She looked around the room crowded with handsome men and said: - There is no such a thing as an ungettable person, you can have anyone as long as you are brave and confident enough.
Alice asked: - Come on, can you always have whoever you want?
Elektra threw her long hair aside and answered with a sneer: - Pick any man in this room and I will show you how it's done. Tom looked puzzled, but then pointed behind her:
- How about that one?
We all looked at the chosen one. He was young, blond, handsome and well dressed. Elektra studied him for a few seconds and said:
- No problem.
- What are you doing now? – I asked. She turned around on her chair and stared at the guy’s direction. He looked almost instantly and met her eyes. We were all mesmerized by the scene, as we watched the struggle, the man, the woman, his eyes on her, her strong gaze… She smiled, he kept his eyes on her for a few more seconds and then, slowly, smiled back. She turned around again and looked at her shocked spectators and said matter of factly:
- See how easy?
- You are crazy! – Alice finally said. – What if he…
- If what? Don’t count on the ifs, just do it and think later. It’s strategy, like playing chess, predict his moves… It’s a hunt. – She said finally, her eyes shining.
- Now what? – I was hooked.
- Now, you make your move, or… You can wait for him, that depends on what are you playing. You see, your part.
Tom looked at her intrigued and asked:
- What do you mean?
- You can adopt personality traits according to what seems to attract him. Some guys like the femme fatalle sort of woman, others like the shy type, you just choose one and have fun.
- That’s crazy! It’s like you have a personality dysfunction or something! – Tom exclaimed before he could stop himself.
Elektra looked at him sharply and then said coolly:
- Men do it all the time. They love playing the sensitive type, because that’s what a woman normally looks for. He comes all sweet and understanding, he listens to you, he treats you like a princess… And then, he scores. And the real guy comes out. I’ve seen it, been there… Now, I do it. And I will tell you what, after you start beating your own expectations, there’s no way you can stop. It’s addictive.
Alice was clearly impressed. She gave a little smile and asked:
- So, what do you do after you get them?
- Is there anything else to do?- Elektra looked at me puzzled, as if it doubting Alice’s intelligence. I shrugged and said:
- Really, what do you do? Do you date them? I never see you with anyone…
She winked and said with a smile:
- The ones I like I might go out on a date. Just one. Normally after that, I lose interest. – She sighed and continued: - So, I look for a really lame excuse and dump him. After all, there are many other interesting guys out there just waiting for me…
We all went home thinking about the night. I was still in doubt if Elektra was the future or the end of romance. Alice wished she were a little more like Elektra, maybe her boyfriend would take her seriously then… Elektra kissed the chosen one, but told me the next morning she didn’t want to see him again because he seemed too conservative for her. What about Tom? Well, he went home… Converted. And a new player was born.
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