On being enough for yourself.

It was a chilly Sunday morning in late February. Without any interest in wandering the cold streets of Frankfurt , Elektra and Alice set off for a coffee at a Starbucks downtown. With all the stores closed and no sun, the place was packed, but they still managed to accidently meet Cho and Kimi, two of Alice´s co workers.
Cho was a gorgeous, tall Asian woman on her early thirties. She dressed with immaculate taste and attracted a few stares. Elektra, in her usual black t-shirt, old jeans and all star sneakers couldn´t believe someone put so much effort on dressing up for coffee. She was slightly bored by the small talk, mainly about work until Alice said something that caught her attention:
- So Cho, how´s it going with Ulrich? Still refusing to meet him ?
Glancing down at Cho´s hand, Elektra saw the thick, golden wedding band on the woman´s finger and looked at Alice inquisitively and she answered.
- Ulrich´s Cho´s virtual friend.
- But I never met him. I would be in big trouble as it is. – Cho smiled like a little girl who admitted to stealing a cookie.
- And why is that? – Elektra couldn´t help asking. – Online dating has its problems, but as long as you don´t give too much personal info, it´s no biggie. Plus, set up to meet him somewhere public in broad daylight...
Cho seemed a little surprised:
- Oh, that´s not the problem. It´s just, I´m not allowed to have male friends. You see, because I´m married.
Unfortunately she chose to say that when Elektra was taking a sip of her Mocca, so she nearly drowned on her drink. Alice patted her back and the other two giggled.
Cho´s marital situation was actually even more complicated , according to her country´s tradition, she had been married at a very young age to a man her parents chose for her. They had been married for 10 years and slept in separate bedrooms for almost 7. They had two small children.
- And I hate the sex. The good thing is he only tries it, like twice a year.
- Why would anyone live like that?!- Elektra asked the minute they got in the street. – I mean, she´s young and pretty, she has a career , why would she allow herself to live like that?
- She has the children, Ellie, it´s not that simple.
- So? That´s why God created child support and alimony. And I´m not judging culture here, but you heard what she said, the sex was always bad, they don´t do things together, she seems to barely stand him, I mean, what´s the point?
- Well, at least she´s not alone.
- Congratulations Alice, I think you just found the lamest argument ever.

That evening we had one of our traditional weekly dinners for no reason at all. Ellie lost no time in telling Tom and I about Cho´s situation. She was indignant someone would allow themselves to such a life. Elektra was a firm believer in holding your own destiny.
- In her case, you can always count the cultural background. In her country that´s more than normal. – I said while opening a bottle of wine. – You can´t really judge.
Tom was thoughtful for a moment and then said:
- There are other people though. I have this friend from High school who´s been dating the same guy since she was 15. They´ve broken up a bunch of times and she´s cheated on him a couple of times too. They´re still together, 10 years later.
- That´s love. – said Alice simply.
- No, that´s bullshit. She´s afraid of being by herself. – Said Elektra while passing me her wine glass so I could fill it up. I had to agree with her. She took a sip of her drink and said:
- I´m telling you, at least half of the couples out there are miserable, but they rather be together in a crappy relationship than being by themselves. They see each other as a safety net.
- That´s just sad. – Tom said simply.
- They need a little more self confidence and maybe better friends.- Elektra spoke again, and gazed at us with a sweet smile while holding up her glass.
I pondered over the main question for a while. Was it really true? Were we all pretending to be happy as a WE because we didn´t have the guts to be an I? And what was so terrifying about being alone anyway? I looked at Ellie , suddenly inspired by an idea:
- How about social pressure? Don´t we feel the need to have someone next to us on certain occasions? Like, I don´t know, our birthday? Or christmas parties? Would you go out partying alone?
We all stared Ellie down until she let out a sigh and smiled:
- Are you daring me?
- Yes. Your birthday is next Friday. We´ll obviously call you or be with you if you want, but would you spend it all by yourself? Your 25th birthday?
She thought about it for a moment and then said:
- O.K. I´ll spend my day all by myself.

And man, she did... Elektra woke up early that day and made herself pancakes and freshly squeezed orange juice before heading to work. She led a fairly normal morning, but treated herself to a pedicure in the afternoon, after all it was her day. She didnt really tell me she checked her facebook a few times to make sure all her friends remembered her. After a nice dinner alone at her very favourite sushi place, she decided a cocktail was in order and went to a trendy new bar she had been dying to go.
The line was around the corner and the night was very chilly. Before she noticed she struck a conversartion with the girl right behind her in line. Lena was the same age and worked in advertising. She was funny, smart and quick witted and by the time the bouncer asked for their I.Ds, the two of them were best friends.
- Its my birthday today. – Said Elektra while flashing the bouncer with her most charming smile.
- I see, you deserve a drink on the house then! – He took both of them to one of the bartenders and told him:
- It´s her birthday! First drink is on the house.
- Awesome? How young? – The bartender asked her.
Elektra examied the cute bartender for the first time, he wore his blond hair on a mohawk and had gorgeous blue eyes and an adorable british accent, her secret fetish. She smiled. He was going to be her gift for herself.
- 25.
- Wow, special date! What would you ladies like to drink?
Elie and Lena looked at each other and then Elektra answered with a slight twinge of her eyebrow and a half smile, her killing trademark:
- Surprise me.
- Will do.

Two rounds of drinks later, Lena and Ellie already knew that Matt had been born in England, but moved to South Africa as a teenager. He loved snowboarding, spoke five languages and loved travelling. Elektra was smitten. She handed him a 20 euro bill to pay for their last round of long islands, but he waved his hand in dismissal and said with a mischiveous smile:
- Nah... My shift is almost over, I won´t tell anyone. Get a table somewhere and I´ll join you two.

They found a table and had barely sat down when a guy sitting next to them asked:
- Are you ladies ok for drinks?
Elektra had half formed a Yes, thank you very much, but Lena spoke over her and said:
- We would love a cosmo!
While the loser went for the drinks, Elektra made Lena swear she would get rid of the guy. That was quite easy, after 20 minutes of boring conversation, they threw the good and old “ Oh look at the time! We have to go!” They did go, somewhere else of course. That´s what Elektra famously baptized Party feng shui. If a spot is bad, just move somewhere else! And as they looked for a new table, she bumped on the cute bartnender again. Elektra winked at Lena as if to say: What did I say? Works every time!!!

By the end of the night, the new friends went to a diner for a post party snack. While they were chatting, they heard the infamious beep letting them know someone had received a text message. Elektra pulled her phone out of her purse and smiled. Cute bartender was asking her out. Whoever passed by their table probably didn´t think much about that scene, two slightly drunk girls giggling while holding a phone... But whoever has true friends, knows exactly what that means. If you have someone, anyone who cares about you and you can call a friend, will never feel alone. Lovers? They are just an extra bonus. ;)